Revisions for Ted talk

Draft of written speech

Title: Concussions are more serious than you think, believe me I've had 4

I believe that people need to be more aware of the affects  of concussions.

OPEN WITH VIDEO CLIPS + STATISTICS?

Video of Marc Savard 

Opening paragraph

REINFORCING SENTENCE ABOUT CONCUSSIONS DAMAGING PEOPLE'S LIVES

DIAGRAM/EXPLANATION

Explanation of the parts of the brain that are affected... What happens to the 

brain explain what a concussion is

Body Paragraph

This is an EXAMPLE OF  one of the MOST FAMOUS CONCUSSION CASES.

Marc Savard is a hockey player in the NHL. He is one of many hockey 

players who suffered from concussions. Mark Savard's story: Mark Savard 

is one of many hockey players who suffered from a major concussion. His 

story is similar to mine. On March 7, 2010, Savard stepped on the ice for the 

first time since he last got injured in January of the same year. He ended up 

getting a concussion in the third period of that game, but eventually 

recovered. On January 23, 2011, Savard then suffered a second concussion on a hit by former Bruin Matt Hunwick in a game against the Colorado Avalanche. On February 8, 2011, the Bruins opted to shut Savard down for the season after he received his second concussion in ten months. The Bruins went on to win the Stanley Cup, defeating the Vancouver Canucks in seven games. Due to recurring symptoms of post-concussion syndrome, Savard was not able to travel to Vancouver to take part in the on-ice victory celebration with his teammates, but he was able to join them back in Boston for the official victory parade. This is important because Savard wasn't even able to watch his team in the Stanley cup finals.

This story shows how not treating a concussion properly can just make it worse. When Savard first got injured he never waited for it to fully heal and that's why he was so prone to get another concussion. If people took concussions more seriously his injury could have been avoided.

 people need to take concussions more seriously. People over look their symptoms and don't let themselves heal. don't take concussions lightly and let yourself heal before going back to your sport. 

Statistics:

• 50% of "second impact syndrome" incidents - brain injury caused from a premature return to activity after suffering initial injury (concussion) - result in death. This is important because it shows how severe concussions are.
• 400,000 brain injuries (concussions) occurred in high school athletics during the 2008-09 school year.this shows how affective concussions are to young high school athletes.
• 15.8% of football players who sustain a concussion severe enough to cause loss of consciousness return to play the same day. This shows that people don't take action right after impact and continue to play through their injury which just makes it worse.
• High school athletes who have been concussed are three times more likely to suffer another concussion in the same season. This shows that the more concussions you have, the more prone you are to getting them.

Conclusion

My story: I got my concussion on April 19th, 2014. I was at a tournament in 

Philadelphia playing for my husky volleyball, my club team. We were playing 

a team from Baltimore and they had huge girls who hit very hard. One girl 

went up to hit and hit me straight in the face with the ball and I fell down 

and was on the ground for a long time. My mom and sister rushed over and 

I went to the trainer at the tournament. They immediately made me leave the 

gym and leave Philadelphia as a whole because I would not be able to play 

the rest of the weekend. I was not allowed to watch my team finish their 

tournament. Everyone knew, on impact, that I was concussed. During that 

game, I was being recruited to play college volleyball. After going to multiple 

doctors, I was told I will never be able to play volleyball again. But, after 

begging and begging, my neurologist allowed me to play for my high school 

team my senior year.

My concussion not only affected My brain, but it affected all of my future 

plans. I was unable to sit in the venue at my prom a month after the 

concussion happened. I was told I was not allowed to play volleyball in 

college so a lot of doors closed for me when it came to college and which 

ones I could get into. 

In conclusion, people really do need to take concussions more seriousLy. If i treated my concussions and healed before I came back to play, I wouldn't have gotten my most recent one as easily. And the same goes for Marc Savard. He had to end his career just like I did. Don't make the same mistakes that me and Marc both made. What's more important? Finishing out the game or living a more healthy and safe life?