Ted talk revisions

Title: Concussions are more serious than you think, believe me I've had 4

Put these statistics on a slideshow

I believe that people need to be more aware of the effects  of concussions.

-50% of "second impact syndrome" incidents - brain injury caused from a premature return to activity after suffering initial injury (concussion) - result in death. This is important because it shows how severe concussions are.

-400,000 brain injuries (concussions) occurred in high school athletics during the 2008-09 school year.this shows how affective concussions are to young high school athletes.

-15.8% of football players who sustain a concussion severe enough to cause loss of consciousness return to play the same day. This shows that people don't take action right after impact and continue to play through their injury which just makes it worse.

-High school athletes who have been concussed are three times more likely to suffer another concussion in the same season. This shows that the more concussions you have, the more prone you are to getting them.

I believe that concussions can ruin someones life if they are not treated properly

Slideshow and Pictures/descriptions

1. what is a concussion? : a lot of people don’t actually know what a concussion is so they overlook their syptoms and dont treat it properly.
2. what actually happens to the brain : in extreme cases there can be bleeding but most of the time it is just a brain sprain. The neck is a huge factor. The neck flings your head which causes your brain to bounce around and swell up.
3. symptoms: headache, nausea, drowsiness, depression, anxiety
4. how to treat it: no cell phone, no computer, no electronics period. No caffiene, no sports.
5. effects of not treating it: long term brain issues, memory loss, more prone to getting another one

Body Paragraph

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uh8npqW7MY0  marc savard video

This is an example of one of the most famous concussion cases:

Marc Savard is a hockey player in the NHL. Mark Savard is one of many hockey players who suffered from a major concussion. On March 7, 2010, Savard stepped on the ice for the first time since he last got injured in January of the same year. He ended up getting a concussion in the third period of that game, but eventually recovered. On January 23, 2011, Savard then suffered a second concussion on a hit by former Bruin Matt Hunwick in a game against the Colorado Avalanche. On February 8, 2011, the Bruins opted to shut Savard down for the season after he received his second concussion in ten months. The Bruins went on to win the Stanley Cup, defeating the Vancouver Canucks in seven games. Due to recurring symptoms of post-concussion syndrome, Savard was not able to travel to Vancouver to take part in the on-ice victory celebration with his teammates, but he was able to join them back in Boston for the official victory parade. This is important because Savard wasn't even able to watch his team in the Stanley cup finals.

This story shows how not treating a concussion properly can just make it worse. When Savard first got injured he never waited for it to fully heal and that's why he was so prone to get another concussion. Although he was in good hands with a top of the line medical staff, he still was allowed to go back and play after his first concussion, which caused him to get his career ending hit. If people took concussions more seriously his injury could have been avoided. Marc Savard is not the only one that made the decision to play instead of heal. People over look their symptoms and don't let themselves get better before starting to play again. Don't take concussions lightly and let yourself heal before going back to your sport.

Conclusion

Now, I would like to share My story with you all: I’ve had 4 concussions total. I received my most recent concussion on April 19th, 2014. I was at a tournament in Philadelphia playing for husky volleyball, on my club team. We were playing a team from Baltimore and they had huge girls who hit very hard. One girl went up to hit and hit me straight in the face with the ball and I fell down and was on the ground for a long time. My mom and sister rushed over and I went to the trainer at the tournament. They immediately made me leave the convention center and leave Philadelphia as a whole because I would not be able to play the rest of the weekend. Little did I know, that was the last time I would ever play club volleyball. I was not allowed to watch my team finish their tournament. And I was not allowed to watch my team finish the rest of their season. Everyone knew, on impact, that I was concussed. During that game, I was being recruited to play college volleyball. After going to multiple doctors, I was told I will never be able to play volleyball again. But, after begging and begging, my neurologist allowed me to play for my high school team my senior year.

My concussion not only affected My brain, but it affected all of my future plans. I was unable to sit in the venue at my prom a month after the concussion happened. I was told I was not allowed to play volleyball in College which has been my dream since I first started playing volleyball. so a lot of doors closed for me when it came to college. I was rejected by my top choice, and that was largely due to the fact that I was not able to participate in volleyball. If I was still allowed to play in college, I would have a much better chance of getting into schools. If I had listened to my doctor after my third concussion, and stopped playing volleyballat that time, then I would never have to live with all of the affects that I have to live with now. Now, I am unable to memorize simple things like a phone number. I couldn't even memorize this speech which is why I'm reading off of something. I have migraines 8-11 days a month, and it will only get worse. I'm not allowed to have any artificial sugars or sweeteners, and when I first got my concussion all I was Allowed to eat was carbs and I was not allowed to be active or workout at all, so you can imagine how much weight I gained. I currently suffer from insomnia. As I get older, I will have a higher chance of getting dimensia, more extreme cases of memory loss, and continuous migraines. None of these problems would be present if i had just let myself heal. Although all of these bad things came from my concussion, I still have faith that I will get into a good college and be able to live my life the same as those who haven't traveled down the paths I have. there is a quote by Steve Jobs that I live by and that encaptures how I feel. "Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith."

In conclusion, people really do need to take concussions more seriously. If i treated my concussions and healed before I came back to play, I wouldn't have gotten my most recent one as easily. And the same goes for Marc Savard. He had to end his career just like I did. Don't make the same mistakes that Marc and I both made. What's more important? Finishing out the game or living a more healthy and safe life? 

Strengths and Weaknesses of Ted Talk

What are the strengths and weaknesses of your written speech? Evaluate yourself. Also, what do you need to work on for the in-class delivery of your speech? What is easy for you and what is a challenge? Finally, what have you learned from watching others practice and deliver their speeches?

I think some of the strengths in my written speech are that I have good examples of concussions and that I have had plenty of concussions before so that makes my speech more valuable. The examples are very detailed and are good stories about myself and a professional athlete that has also gone through the same thing similar to me. Another strength that I have is that there are a lot of people who can relate to my ted talk so it will be interesting for people and they will be more interested. Some weaknesses are that I have not presented it in class yet so I haven't been able to get feedback from any of my classmates yet. Another weakness is that it is kind of disorganized right now but I will organize it soon... sorry! I also think that a weakness is that it is currently very disorganized because you and I switched the whole order of it and made a bunch of revisions but I don't think I did a good job at revising it the first time so I need to revise it even more. Something that is easy for me is telling my story and marc savards story. This is easy because they are so similar and stories are easier for me to remember than statistics or something like that. Another thing that is easy for me is to be loud and confident when I am presenting because it is a topic that I am very educated in. Something that has been a challenge for me all year is memorizing. Ironically, that is due to my concussion, so maybe I can say that somewhere in my ted talk. Something like "My concussion was so bad that I could not even memorize it to present it to you all today." and then go on to say how this one of the affects of concussions if you do not treat them properly and I also need to say how I didn't treat my concussion properly because I went on my phone and computer and did all of my homework instead of resting like how I was supposed to. I do not know how I am going to remember a speech that is 10+ minutes long. But I'll try my best. All I have done is watch other people practice their poems so I have learned a lot. I have learned from Donaven that its really hard to do your speech with note cards. Jade showed us that its easier to read off of the screen. I think that the promptor thing that you sent us in our messages will help us a lot. I will be able to read off of that and use it to my advantage because I cannot remember anything. Hopefully i will be able to present my speech on Monday so I can get some feedback. Also, I will continue to revise it today and tomorrow to make sure it is more organized and has everything I want it to have. 

Revisions for Ted talk

Draft of written speech

Title: Concussions are more serious than you think, believe me I've had 4

I believe that people need to be more aware of the affects  of concussions.

OPEN WITH VIDEO CLIPS + STATISTICS?

Video of Marc Savard 

Opening paragraph

REINFORCING SENTENCE ABOUT CONCUSSIONS DAMAGING PEOPLE'S LIVES

DIAGRAM/EXPLANATION

Explanation of the parts of the brain that are affected... What happens to the 

brain explain what a concussion is

Body Paragraph

This is an EXAMPLE OF  one of the MOST FAMOUS CONCUSSION CASES.

Marc Savard is a hockey player in the NHL. He is one of many hockey 

players who suffered from concussions. Mark Savard's story: Mark Savard 

is one of many hockey players who suffered from a major concussion. His 

story is similar to mine. On March 7, 2010, Savard stepped on the ice for the 

first time since he last got injured in January of the same year. He ended up 

getting a concussion in the third period of that game, but eventually 

recovered. On January 23, 2011, Savard then suffered a second concussion on a hit by former Bruin Matt Hunwick in a game against the Colorado Avalanche. On February 8, 2011, the Bruins opted to shut Savard down for the season after he received his second concussion in ten months. The Bruins went on to win the Stanley Cup, defeating the Vancouver Canucks in seven games. Due to recurring symptoms of post-concussion syndrome, Savard was not able to travel to Vancouver to take part in the on-ice victory celebration with his teammates, but he was able to join them back in Boston for the official victory parade. This is important because Savard wasn't even able to watch his team in the Stanley cup finals.

This story shows how not treating a concussion properly can just make it worse. When Savard first got injured he never waited for it to fully heal and that's why he was so prone to get another concussion. If people took concussions more seriously his injury could have been avoided.

 people need to take concussions more seriously. People over look their symptoms and don't let themselves heal. don't take concussions lightly and let yourself heal before going back to your sport. 

Statistics:

• 50% of "second impact syndrome" incidents - brain injury caused from a premature return to activity after suffering initial injury (concussion) - result in death. This is important because it shows how severe concussions are.
• 400,000 brain injuries (concussions) occurred in high school athletics during the 2008-09 school year.this shows how affective concussions are to young high school athletes.
• 15.8% of football players who sustain a concussion severe enough to cause loss of consciousness return to play the same day. This shows that people don't take action right after impact and continue to play through their injury which just makes it worse.
• High school athletes who have been concussed are three times more likely to suffer another concussion in the same season. This shows that the more concussions you have, the more prone you are to getting them.

Conclusion

My story: I got my concussion on April 19th, 2014. I was at a tournament in 

Philadelphia playing for my husky volleyball, my club team. We were playing 

a team from Baltimore and they had huge girls who hit very hard. One girl 

went up to hit and hit me straight in the face with the ball and I fell down 

and was on the ground for a long time. My mom and sister rushed over and 

I went to the trainer at the tournament. They immediately made me leave the 

gym and leave Philadelphia as a whole because I would not be able to play 

the rest of the weekend. I was not allowed to watch my team finish their 

tournament. Everyone knew, on impact, that I was concussed. During that 

game, I was being recruited to play college volleyball. After going to multiple 

doctors, I was told I will never be able to play volleyball again. But, after 

begging and begging, my neurologist allowed me to play for my high school 

team my senior year.

My concussion not only affected My brain, but it affected all of my future 

plans. I was unable to sit in the venue at my prom a month after the 

concussion happened. I was told I was not allowed to play volleyball in 

college so a lot of doors closed for me when it came to college and which 

ones I could get into. 

In conclusion, people really do need to take concussions more seriousLy. If i treated my concussions and healed before I came back to play, I wouldn't have gotten my most recent one as easily. And the same goes for Marc Savard. He had to end his career just like I did. Don't make the same mistakes that me and Marc both made. What's more important? Finishing out the game or living a more healthy and safe life?